Pregnancy is a time so utterly infused with weirdness and intensity that it’s hard to know quite what to do with it. This one has been a little different so far from the pregnancies that have preceded it; something I attribute to recent changes in diet. I’ve had a fair bit of nausea going on, but I’m finding that if I can stuff enough good quality (low carb) food into my gob quickly enough, it pretty much disappears. I really haven’t suffered through any vomiting to speak of yet, which is pretty extraordinary, since traditionally, I’m quick to lose my lunch (breakfast, dinner or afternoon tea) at the very best of times.
I’ve also been quite tired, which I’m finding frustrating. As a consequence, our entire house looks like that, something I’m really struggling with, hence the lack of blogging. Sitting on the couch typing sweet nothings to three readers and the odd hapless Googler doesn’t feel like time well spent when you’re otherwise wallowing in filth. The tiredness is also frustrating in light of the fact that I was fighting this kind of bone tired lethargy at the end of last year and had managed to improve things drastically with those afore-mentioned dietary changes. Now here we are again after just a few glorious months of energy and productivity. I’ve been preparing more and more of our food completely from scratch, particularly almond milk which Vin and I love. The tiredness is making it difficult to keep up with food production too and a lack of great food leads to hunger or the consumption of not so great food which leads to nausea or yet more tiredness… and you can see how that goes.
I really don’t mean to whinge though. This time will pass all too soon, I know. Hopefully I’ll be nesting like a mad thing before long. I am feeling very, very blessed right now – just not so much first thing in the morning.
I’m enjoying keeping this pregnancy to myself. Not that there are many people not to tell – I’m enjoying my relative hermithood too. I did tell one person; a lovely friend I hadn’t seen in over a year. I wasn’t sure when I might see her again, so it seemed a good time. She was also, quite genuinely, the only friend or family member I could think of who would be deeply happy to hear that this little one has come into being, without their own personal rain cloud of resentment, judgement, pettiness or just plain unexplained weirdness hovering menacingly overhead. While I really do understand and empathise with some of the mixed feelings that come our way at times like these. It’s a bit sad when every good wish from those who should be happiest is overtly tempered with some hint of negativity. Hmmm… I wonder how long I can hold out.
I’m trying to re-connect online. As much as it is a need, making healthy connections is hard for me. I’m realising it’s always been hard. In the past it has been a case of too much or too little; no boundaries or an insurmountable wall of them. I’ll just keep trying.